


Somber Sunsets

by AstroZone



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Angst, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders-centric, Bittersweet Ending, Disney, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, aftermath of suicide, remembering old times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:21:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26236318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstroZone/pseuds/AstroZone
Summary: Sunsets used to be Virgil's favorite time of day. He just... can't see them the same after Roman's death.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Comments: 14
Kudos: 33





	Somber Sunsets

**Author's Note:**

> hey nerds it's sad time

Sunsets used to be his favorite time of day. The colors, the cool air, the Sun’s finale before the night. 

Now, not so much.

“Hey Roman,” he greeted. “It’s Virgil.”

The gravestone in front of him didn’t say a word.

“I tried doing some stuff for myself today. I even woke up early so I could see one of those sunrises you would prattle on about. They really are beautiful. Oh, and I also went to the park! Like, willingly. You would’ve been proud of me, I’m sure.” He let out a laugh tinged with sadness.

“So, it’s been exactly a year since you committed suicide. I can actually say that now, surprisingly enough. Only took 11 months, heh.

“I, uh… It’s still sad. I cried for like, 3 hours straight after I realized what day it was. September 23rd.” he wiped some tears away. “Oh, I’m crying again…

“I made you this crown,” he said, shakily pulling it out from his backpack. He huffed as it caught on the zipper, carefully extracting it. “I know I always called you Princey in a condescending manner, but really you were a noble prince. You deserved to have the title.”

He kneeled down, placing the crown just below the gravestone. He breathed a shaky breath, giving a smile laced with sadness.

“I’m still hurting, like I said. Sometimes I wake up and I can’t do anything, not with you gone. I just can’t do it without-” he let out a sob, and another. “Shit, now I’m really crying. You were my best friend, you know that? I never told you, so no shame if you didn’t figure it out. With your depression it probably wasn’t ob...vious. I… should’ve told you.

“I should’ve told you I loved you. Not in the romantic way, obviously. I loved you like a friend. I still _do_ love you. That’s never gonna go away, okay? Never. Even if I get a new best friend. Not Patton, not Logan, not Janus or Remus, none of them will truly replace you in my heart, okay?”

He shoved his head in his hands, shivering, but not from the cold. 

“Remus misses you. I know he does. I was told he visited earlier. You guys never had the best relationship, but I know you both would’ve defended each other until the end. We’ve had pity parties too many times for that not to be true.” he spared a glance at the sunset.

“Remember when we had that fight?” he asked through tears. “About whether sunrises or sunsets were better? Ever since… ever since the call from your brother, when he told me you were- you were dead… I was watching the sunset, and ever since then I haven’t seen them the same. I don’t blame you at all, I never could. I was angry at first, but only at myself. They remind me of you, the sunsets. Bright, happy, calming. Beautiful, too, though knowing you, you wouldn't believe me.”

He took a shaky breath in again.

“I wish I could talk to you again. And we would laugh and have some stupid fight about Disney or music or something like that. But… we won’t. We won’t, and we haven’t, not since September 23rd of last year.” he sobbed. “ _I miss you_. I know I’ve already said that but it’s- it’s too true.

“Y’know, before this, I had trouble reading about the aftermath of suicide. Not the actual suicide, or- or abuse, or anything. I was always so confused why only after-suicide stories made me cry, but I get it now. It’s because I was so worried that would be me. Having to deal with a friend committing suicide. Because I knew you and most of my other friends were suicidal. And… it happened.

“I can read them now. Not without crying, of course, but it’s like… closure. Or something. It helps me deal with it. And God, I’m an ugly crier, but you’re the kind of person worth crying over. I love you, just to remind you of that. I don’t think I could ever say that enough. I should’ve said it more. Or, y’know, _at all_.

“I wish I had done more. To help you. I know I did a lot, but if I had done more… maybe you would still be here. And I know you, I know you’d probably say it was inevitable and I couldn’t have done anything, and I know I’m probably stupid. If I hadn’t spent so much time on bettering myself I could’ve _been there_ for you.

“My therapist would’ve been disappointed in me for saying that,” he laughed. “So would you.” 

He took a deep breath in, and a deep breath out.

And then, of course, he immediately started sobbing again. Great.

“There’s a new Disney movie coming out. Frozen 2. I wish I could see it with you. I think… I think I’ll see it _for_ you. And for me. Maybe- maybe your- your _spirit_ or whatever,” he scoffed, acting annoyed. Secretly he hoped his spirit could follow. “Will be able to watch it with me. It looks good. I’m sure you’d adore it.” he smiled.

“Kinda wish I could cuddle you again, at least one more time. And we would watch the movie and freak out over it and eat popcorn just to end up throwing it at each other- and we’d _live_. But- but now it’s only me.

“I wish I could join you, sometimes. In… being dead. At least I’d _be with you,_ y’know. I hope…

“I hope there’s an afterlife. I used to hope differently, back when I was considering suicide. But… I want to see you again. Wait- no- that sounded bad- I’m not gonna commit suicide just to see you! I’ve decided I’m gonna live out my life so that if I see you again I have stories to tell. I want to live my life _for_ you, basically, even though my therapist would be disappointed in me to hear that. He says I should live for myself.

“But yeah, I hope… in whatever afterlife there is, there’s a merciful God or Goddess or whatever… that they let me see you again. And to be with you, as friends. We can watch all the movies that you missed together, and rewatch all the old classics we adore. At least, I hope they let me see you, maybe have at least one conversation with you before they separate us again. Y’know, like, a Heaven and Hell situation. They’d send me to Hell for not believing in them and for failing you.

“And you… I think you’d go to Heaven, even if you didn’t believe in them. Just because you were that good of a person. You’re great, y’know? I think I say ‘y’know’ too much.” he laughed.

He hummed a couple shaky bars of ‘Part of Your World’ from The Little Mermaid. He knew that was one of Roman’s favorites.

He sat back, glancing up at the sky where stars were starting to appear. “I think it’s time for me to go,” he admitted. “The sunset’s almost over, I better get home before it’s too dark. Don’t want anything to happen, y’know? I gotta live my life. Love you, Roman. Always will.”

He stood up, taking a few deep breaths, slowly making his way out of the graveyard. So many graves… so many grieving friends and family. His heart went out to them, even the broken parts left behind from Roman’s departure.

Roman may be gone, but he had to live his life. He would move on. Even when it got bad, even when he couldn’t get up from grief, he would live. Live until he couldn’t anymore, and not from his own hand. He had to be there, for Patton, for Logan, for Janus, for Remus. For Roman.

He would live. For as long as he could.

**Author's Note:**

> please don't take anything I said as true since I am but a simple depressed teenager who has been to therapy. But I do think it's okay to have someone else as a reason to live, it just shouldn't be the only reason. You gotta work on getting more things.
> 
> I am by no means an expert with this subject. No one in my life has committed suicide. But I do have friends who are suicidal, and I sorta vented through Virgil about how I'm always worried someone I love will commit suicide. This is basically the aftermath I'm worried about getting, yknow? I just needed to write this story, I think, to help console myself that even if I fail to help one of my friends, I can still move on and live my life.
> 
> And still I'm scared. So, so scared. Because I love all my friends, and my family, and I find myself too often worrying about them. I know I'll miss them whenever they do go, whether by their own hand or some other force. I hope this might help some others with the same worries, too.
> 
> Love yall. Feel free to talk to me about anything on discord, my username is AstroZone#2971
> 
> and we have a couple vent servers on my discord server, if you want to talk to multiple people. 
> 
> https://discord.gg/vVKBPzg
> 
> Love y'all, again. Please stay safe, for me.
> 
> Much love,  
> Aster <3


End file.
